Isn't it funny how things change.

If I had imagined my future when I was 16 years old, I definitely would not have imagined I would be in the position I am now as a 19 year old. Back then I would've imagined myself living in London and working at all the type of amazing places I did. I had big dreams, the only career I'd ever wanted to do was to be a chef. For a few years I managed to hide my pain under a mask in front of people. To me it didn't matter that much because I was still doing what I had always wanted to do and that. Is the thing that kept me going. I miss it terribly. I wish I was still there with all my friends. But then in August 2014 a small black dot appeared on my right, CRPS affected limb. At first I thought nothing of it but then it was the thing that changed everything. After only a few days, the black dot started to collapse in on itself. It turned into a small hole, which then grew deeper and wider. I was unable to go  to work, I still lived in London but the thing that made me want to carry on had gone. I was really upset to say the least. From October - December I spent my time in hospital having skin grafts and reconstruction on my foot, it was a horrible and terrifying time. But finally on the 18th Decmeber I was discharged from hospital, my foot was healing and I was able to go home for Xmas. Everybody had doubts about me returning to college including me but I was determined and nothing would stop me, even though the term started only three weeks after I had re-learned to walk and left hospital. I was so happy to be back at college with all my friends, I felt like I had made it and the worse was over, things just kept getting better and better. Then only a few weeks before half term, another dot appeared on my foot. At first I tried to ignore it and pretend it wasn't happening, but then the same thing happened and it started to collapse inward again, I could no longer ignore it. I had to try and explain what was happening, even though i wasn't really sure myself. Again, it worsened pretty quickly. I'm so grateful that the college were so understanding and together, along with my doctors we made the decision I should leave after half term and try and get better for the following January.

I left college on the 22nd February, I had to return to my parents house. In all honesty, it really destroyed me, I felt like such a massive failure. Things kept going from bad to worse, on the 6th March my leg was put in a plaster cast to try and stop the twitching ripping the ulcer apart. Now, 37 weeks later I am sitting here with a plaster cast in my leg. But that is the only similarity between now and then. After the cast was put on my depression spiralled almost out of control. I was at the point I just wanted to give up. I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. But luckily for me ther was a way out. Before my CRPS I had done karate for 8 years and I had a 1st dan (black belt). I hadn't taken part in any sport for the last 3 years but during the really dark times, I felt I needed to. I looked at many para-sports. But I wasn't really sure about them, I didn't know anything about it really. I tried fencing but it wasn't for me. Then I found a wheelchair racing group about 50 minutes from where I live. I went along not really knowing what to expect, I saw how fast some people could go. It also happens to be the place I met my boyfriend, Dan. Since then everything has changed for the better.  I am no longer depressed, in fact quite the opposite! I apply the same principles of karate and my ambitions of being a chef to my wheelchair racing. I want to be the best. I love being with Dan, we be on so well and it's amazing we understand each other's problems. Now when I train, it takes my mind off all the rubbish that has gone on it the past three years, it gives me hope for the future. Strangely training is a brilliant way of getting rid of anger or frustration. By far my favourite thing is the post training buzz, when I finish training I feel amazing and so happy!

I guess what I'm trying to say is, just because one thing doesn't work out it doesn't mean that's it. At the time, I really thought it was but Dan has taught me it isn't and that there is more out there than you could ever imagine. Never give up hope.